Jono actually allowed himself a moment to try to picture the fish in little hats.

... It was a brief, somewhat amused sort of moment.

//Well, we can start with the skeletons, then. Or perhaps the popcorn strings? It's usually easier to put th'lights and garland on first, so yer don't knock the ornaments about, I think.//

There was a process to this.

That would require a certain level of flexibility that Tara probably lacks, wouldn't it?

//It'd be a shame to cover up yer...// Jono waved a hand vaguely toward the ornaments, taking in the sight of them for a moment before pressing on. //... Poodles.//

This was going to be a very unique tree.

//Well, it would certainly help make it look more festive, wouldn't it?//

In a very shiny sort of way. A very, very shiny sort of way indeed.

//Lights. Of course.//

Jono looked at the lights. The lights, in turn, sat there. As lights do. Jono looked at them some more, before finally shaking his head and reaching for them.

... It probably went without saying that it didn't matter how old, new, tangled, or organized they were before he picked them up, they were in a mess of tangles all of two seconds later, didn't it? It was one of those unwritten laws of the universe, really.

One of those absolutely ineffable laws of the universe!

//I'm no good with these bloody things,// Jono grumbled, working on untangling them. He was perhaps not doing so well with that.

//One can only hope,// Jono agreed as he held the loop out toward her. //I can't imagine us managing to make it any worse, luv.//

This was because Jono was not nearly imaginative enough, apparently.

Jono, meanwhile, was fairly certain he'd figured out which way to thread his end through in order to get rid of that big, obvious tangle, right there.

... He succeeded only in getting his arm stuck in a loop right up to his elbow.

//Better one another than th'fish?//

//I can't exactly complain about that, can I?// Her hand seemed to be tied to his arm. This was an interesting turn of events. It meant that he was going to have to shoulder the lights that were in the hand that wasn't all wrapped up, so that he could try to loosen them, some.

Except, now there were lights over his shoulder.

He wasn't for the life of him able to figure out how in the world this had managed to lead to them being looped around his back and then wound through the ones that they were already trapped in, no. He suspected that he had been a little overzealous in his wriggling to get free.

//I swear, I didn't mean to do this,// Jono stated as he obediently lifted his arms. More or less. He could only lift the one arm about halfway, as it was tethered down by the lights that were looped around him.

He hadn't been aware that there even were this many lights.

//... Brilliant.//

Naturally, this meant that Jonothon was going to have to put his hand down, which succeeded only in tightening the lights that were slung around him somewhat, and he took a half-step closer to Didi to compensate for the shortened leash that he was on.

See? There. He knew there couldn't possibly have been that many lights.

//I think we're stuck.//

//Absolutely not that many lights.//

And yet, here they were. Tied together with what ought to have been just barely enough lights for the tiny tree that was sitting nearby.

Jono gave another small squirm, hoping perhaps to free one arm so that he could try to inch downward, to maybe slide the string over his head. Of course, this meant that he was now pressed up against her, almost chest-to-chest, and wondering if he'd have better luck just smacking his forehead against the wall a few times, instead.

//Might as well get comfortable, I suppose.//

//Suppose we could convince him that we got ourselves all bound up like this on purpose?//

... Tree light bondage. Fully clothed. Yes, Jono. That would totally do the trick.

He squinted one eye a little as the cable tightened around him. This meant essentially that the arm that he'd been unable to lift earlier was now completely flat against his side. And that his fingers were going to fall asleep any minute now.

The internet was painful and slow and somewhat in the crappy stages of dialup back in Jono's time, and all he really knew how to do with it in the here and now was harvest watermelons, so the idea of having such a photo tacked up on the internet didn't bother him as much as it probably should have.

//I can feel...// He gave the fingers of one hand a wiggle. They bumped against her thigh. //This one. Mostly. Can't move the other at all, though.//

Jono's eyebrows twitched upward at that, yes.

//I probably could, actually.// Easily, for that matter. //If yer think maybe yer could... Get yer hand to my bandages? Pull them a little askew.//

Somewhere in the back of his head, he was repeating to himself, not my face, not my face, not my face...

There was something only mildly less freakish about turning Christmas lights to slag via the hole in his chest, as opposed to the gaping, burning nothing that was where his mouth ought to be.

//Right.//

Right. Right, then. There were flames licking outward from the wedge in the bandages, and he was going to straighten those out the instant he had his fine motor skills back, yes. For the time being, he was going to have to settle for trying to stand back as far as he could so that he could look down to see his target.

Focus. Focus. Right, then. There was that strand that was draped across his chest like a sash? It was now oozing apart until the wire gave way. The bit around their respective arms? He was careful to make certain that no melted wire was anywhere near Didi as he worked. His jacket had suffered through far worse than some errant holiday lights, after all.

Just a little more, and...

He shifted his weight, and then pulled to step backward again, bits of wire draping over his shoulders and his chest pretty obviously burning in plain view, but they were more or less free, now.

//Occasionally,// Jono mused, picking bits of holiday lights off of himself before setting himself quite firmly to the task of straightening out the wrappings on his chest, //I prove to be just as useful as I am jarringly handsome.//

Or, well, just jarring.

//I also come in handy when th'pilot light on th'stove flickers out,// he added, running his hand over his wrappings to make certain that everything was properly in place.

Yes, it was a joke. It actually managed to sound like one, too.